It has now been fifteen years since our daughter, Kylene, passed away.

"Time heals all wounds." A tried and true cliché? Sorry, but to us - and to most parents who've lost children, I suspect - it's tired and trite. Time has not healed the wound. It continues to suppurate. And yet whatever pain is associated with the remembrance is more than balanced by the precious memories of the miracle of being blessed, however briefly, with a special soul as kind and sweet and vibrant as our daughter.

Here I would like to quote an excerpt from the article The Phrase That’s Hurtful for Me to Hear as a Mom Who Lost a Child by Dawn Williams Llewellyn, who put it all much better than I could:

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For while it’s true time helps heal some wounds, this is one instance where time will not heal this devastating loss. Instead, as time goes by, the memories of our loved ones get dimmer and those last embraces become more distant.

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One of the most difficult things to deal with in losing a child is facing the long empty years ahead without their physical presence. As time flows by, memories blur, people forget and life goes on for everyone around you. The distance between that last embrace widens like the gaping wound that is left in our broken hearts.

Now suppose for a moment that time could heal the pain of losing a child. This is the true paradox of grief — as difficult as grief is to live with, as heartbreaking as the pain that consumes your very soul is, I don’t think one parent would ever wish time to heal it. We are as connected to our child’s spirit just as deeply as you are connected to your living child. In the case of losing a child, time gradually creates a space for the grudging acceptance of this separation as we learn a new way of being.

But just because we own this grief doesn’t mean it’s something that has passed or healed. I think parents dealing with grief are often silent, not because they have nothing to say, but rather because there is so much pain inside, it’s difficult to voice. To lose a child is to lose a part of your soul — the very essence of your being.

We miss you Kylene, and we always shall. Time will never heal the wound, but the balm of your sweet memory soothes our souls. We love you with all our hearts, and time shall never change that.